We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
