also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
