eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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