Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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