I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
