Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
