2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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