can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
