Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
