Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
