Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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