OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
