Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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