fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
