I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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