fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
