Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
