Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
