I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
