Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
being pregnant is like rehab
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
