Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
