so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
