Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
