Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
