Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
