tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
