Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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