Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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