Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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