I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
