Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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