The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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