I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
