He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
