just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
