Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
