Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
