I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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