Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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