i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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