just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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