i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
