508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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