That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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