I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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