If that was your dad, he is hot
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
