i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
