You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
