do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
