I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
